Texting

Why oh why does everything revolve around texting nowadays its driving me nuts, I want to have a conversation, I want people to call me, I would dearly have loved for John to have called me instead of sending the occasional mail or text, humph choice speak to me go to the pub !!! pub wins... ok I'm being harsh the poor guy doesn't owe me a call or anything really he sees me because I'm available i guess... oh bother, why do I get into such a pickle when I like a guy, got to got to get my head back on straight....

I must choose what is right for me, that's what my reading said, "whats right for me" so what is ??? what am I looking for??
Honesty, I think that this one is soo important because if we are honest  with ourselves and others we can live much healthier lives, I don't know if I want a relationship but maybe I feel that way because I feel insecure but if I feel insecure maybe that's because through my insecurity i see things as they aren't !... ok so
I don't like smoking
I don't like drinking to much
I want to be wined and dined
I want little gifts of affection
I want to sleep through the night without snoring cause by beer and cigarettes...
I'm holding back because in the past all I've done is give and give and give all the silly little love notes, the little surprises, the things that I think show that I care and in truth where has it ever gotten me, well used I say, taken for granted I'd say, what a mug I've been...
Sooo this time it has to be right because if its not it leads to heart ache down the line... I'm more than ok on my own I don't have to open up I'm safe but what would life be like If I found the right side of my being my complimentary other ???
Breathe breathe fear is but an illusion sent forth to illuminate your way forward, if I turn and run from my fear I will not be able to taste my victory at overcoming it, I choose growth....

I'm confused mucho mucho....