Blogging

As I sit here tears stream down my face, i was rereading my blogs and now have reached the one about Paul,  I know people suffer through out the world through starvation, deprivation etc so from that perspective I have nothing to complain about, But, it doesn't stop me feeling pain and hurt and I mosty turn to these pages when I'm confused or hurting or searching, these are here the moments of my decent these are the moments of my regrets my longing of my hopes and fear, and here now my sense of being lost and confused.
I don't know how to play the game............... Just llistening to Amy Winehouse Love is  loosing hand..

The final frame love is the loosing game... How do you play the game so the odds are stacked in your favour ???

I kept my self so contained, so locked away safely, I knew only a longing for someone to unlock my heart now I know pain..... Does the word not fair have any resonance here or any place ? after all I had that moment, but that moment if it could be lived would have been sublime like soaring the skies with a freedom rarely attainable within our present state of human confinement..

If this was meant to free my heart am I strong enough to deal with its exposure to rejection again...

I hurt.. and I dont know what to do..