Focus

To attain focus over ones monkey mind is indeed a task, the contestant chatter is at times deafening, it seems to serve no purpose other than as a constant distraction usually with one subject, and usually that which one would dearly like to submerge into the vast nothingness if that indeed exists in some format, for me it seems not to, i cannot bury thought !!
This is a gift that I would deary like to gain, the loss of noisy thoughts, I have discovered one thing within this experience with JE in that sometimes when he looked at me you could see that there was with some disappointment or a look that said you don't measure up or your not good looking enough, these moments were brief but they existed and I was aware of them and here is where my mirror existed i cannot fault him in that I'm aware of how it feels....Mirror Mirror on the wall ... show me my reflection... but that reflection is not always what we would like to see...
I need to be able to change things within myself but I struggle...... meditation would do it but escaping this monkey mind !!!!!!!!!!!